Spring Cleaning the “Inauthentic” Life…part 5

Can I love this version of service I was offering in 2016? Absolutely - because it was exactly what it was supposed to be. It was just as sacred as what is offered in love today.

In part 4 I left you at…

Something akin to Monday morning - when the festival is over and there is a sea of litter, abandoned tents and random stragglers wondering where their belongings are. A car stereo still going in the distance hinting of what had been.

Waking up from the dream.

From my heart, I truly feel I have done the best to be of service in this life and there have been many incredible moments and events that feel miraculous. So I, in no way am refusing anything that has come before. I have spent over twenty years in devotion to opening inner doors, yet the thing with inner doors is that you have to go in really deep to find them.

Sometimes you need help of a teacher to point out the ones in disguise.

Since November, one has been shining a light on the doors I will call refusals to life as it is.

What the heck is that?

Here’s an example:

Despite longing for some pristine set of conditions, like those curated on Instagram, there is no “graduation” in the world of spirit where someone is crowned “ready.” In the context of plant medicine - ten years of dieta? Fifteen? Twenty? Who decides? What about the 70-year-old maestro who has had his ass handed to him and is deeply shaken in ceremony right now?

Does that negate all that came before because he’s now facing a profound initiation? Do we walk away, make comments about his age, and move on to the next thing?

How much do we allow our mentors to be human before we find countless ways to reject them?

Did reading my previous posts make you wonder if I had lost the plot or even slightly recoil?

This is one simple example of rejecting life as it presents itself in the moment.

I ask myself, “Is there room in my heart right now to love this exact version of this person without passing judgment through my own filters of perception?” The mind will always mind, but can I see that these are my filters and not necessarily the truth?

Despite the longing for some pristine set of conditions on Instagram, there is never a ‘graduation’ when someone is crowned ‘ready’ in the world of spirit. In the context of plant medicine - ten years of dieta? Fifteen? Twenty? Who decides? What about the 70 years old meastro that has had his ass handed to him and is SUPER shaky in ceremony right now?

Does that negate all that has come before because he is now meeting a very big initiation? Do we walk away, make comments about his age and are on to the next thing?

How much do we allow our mentors to be human before we find myriad ways to reject them?

Did reading my previous posts make you wonder if I had lost the plot and even slightly recoil?

This is one simple example of. rejection to life as it is presenting in the moment.

I ask the question, “is there room right now in my heart to love this exact version of the person and not pass judgement through my own fields of perception?” The mind is going to mind, but can I see that these are indeed my filters and not necessarily the truth?

Open or close. Open or close. Open or close.

It’s scary to ask the nervous system, wired by personality and past, to loosen the reigns a bit. Depending on the trauma in your field or ancestral habits, it can feel like death to even consider it. Yet this good/bad dichotomy is exactly what keeps us trapped in the realm of personality, blocking any chance of soaring beyond the mind and emotions into the all-knowing.

This is what spirit has been pointing to for me for eighteen months.

You have to be fearless to set it down if you want to open to greater wisdom.

Now I finally have the WHY.

Why it’s crucial to find deep inner stability in the face of ever-changing external circumstances. In the face of humans who are gonna human.

I’m ready to fly.

This sounds all well and good as you read along with your popcorn, but taming the monkey mind has been THE rallying cry of the new age and the old one since forever.

The first piece is stability. For most of us, our energy fields are all over the place, often stuck in a rejection mode to stay safe instead of receiving. Did you know that anger can keep us in that rejection orientation for days?

Then we wonder why intuition isn’t knocking at our door, telling us what to do.

Our energy field isn’t receptive. Full stop.

Every refusal of what is - EVERY ONE - closes the door to intuition. This isn’t about being a doormat; it’s an invitation to allow ALL shades of life to exist. If we truly grasp that the entire world exists in one cell, we must accept the executioner within, the selfish one, the one who’ll do whatever it takes to survive. So before we dive into the external chaos of 2025’s societal or political goings-on, it’s best to start at home with our self-rejections.

If I can stop comparing, rejecting, and beating myself up with URGENCY, there’s a chance for that door of greater insight to crack open. Better yet, if I can do it with my partner, friend, or that really bad driver… even more room.

Stability means getting our energy field back to a steady state of openness. This can take a solid month of relatively simple daily meditative work and a fierce commitment to noticing habitual reactions.

I’ve been at this since last November, and let me tell you, the mind and emotions have been kicking up a stink. All the little closet demons love the status quo and aren’t happy being disturbed. Fantastic.

So, what’s the very first step?

Establishing a solid link to a source of safety. A hand that says, “You are safe to surrender, I’m with you.”

Our dear Mother Earth.

How comfortable you feel with this will be colored by your life’s journey with your real mother. If there’s healing to do, we learn to open to a source of mother that never closes the door. We are ALL deserving of this, no matter what we feel. Yet if we refuse to heal and open to the divine of our own mother, it will be impossible to find it elsewhere. There is divinity in the life you were given.

For me, I started lying on my bed for at least an hour a day, hands on my belly, opening the soles of my feet. I let that support flow to my heart, down to my hands, and deep into my belly. I’m still doing it daily. I stopped making excuses about time. This has to be the most important thing. It’ll make us better parents, lovers, caregivers, social media gobblers - because we’ll be more STABLE.

Within fifteen minutes, if our field is reversed, it switches to receptivity, and we feel calmer. I also use this when a mental or emotional flare-up hits during the day, instead of reaching for distraction and missing the deeper voice calling out.

I’ve started using this in my client work and can share more if we work together.

The biggest shift is the wisdom of the earth that opens. One of my teachers shared that the gift of prophecy comes not through the third eye, but through the soles of the feet. I’m not claiming world-altering prophetic downloads, just that more information is showing up. I’m hearing the reasoning behind why things are happening in ways that were closed to me before. Mother is speaking because I called to her deeply from my heart.

Is this because I’m lying down and saying yes to what is, even though it brings great anxiety?

Yes. I believe it is.

Even the parts that feel past actions may ring of inauthenticity. Fancy that.

Stay tuned for Part 6.